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Who wants to live forever?
A Doctor asks his patient, “Do you like to drink, smoke, and play around with women?”
“Yes,” replies the patient.
“You should abstain.” Says the Doc. “And do you like eat steak chips?”
“Yes,” says the patient.
“You should cut back and only do it with moderation,” says the doc.
“If I do all that will I live longer?” asks the patient.
“Nope,” replies the doc “but it’ll seem a lot longer.”
Problem Solved?
A carpet installer was laying new living room carpeting in a large mansion. After laboriously pulling, stretching, and tacking the carpet, he finally finished, and gratefully sat back to enjoy a cigarette.
A priest, a doctor and a lawyer are stuck behind a particularly slow groups of golfers. After three holes, they complain to the club secretary.
“Sorry, chaps, that’s a group of blind firemen,” he explains, “they lost their sight saving our clubhouse from burning down last year, so we let them play here for free any time they want.”
“That’s so sad,” says the priest, “I’ll say a prayer for them tonight.”
“Good idea,” says the doctor, “I’ll contact my ophthalmologist friend and see if there’s anything he can do.”
“That’s all very well,” says the lawyer, “but why can’t they play at night?”
How do men sort their laundry?
“Filthy” and “Filthy but Wearable.”
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Read this humor about parents, children, fathers, mothers, raising kids, giving birth to babies, teaching the young, and much more.
Things Mom Would Never Say
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